7/16 Weekly Update: Changing Roles of Families and Students

Bottom Line, Up Front

  • Upcoming key dates or action items for families and/or students
  • Changing student and family roles

Dear parents and families of incoming students,

It’s a brand new week and time for us to share some news, tips, and information related to your student’s transition to college.  

Upcoming key dates or action items for families and/or students

Here’s what you should know this week.

For families:

  • Tuition is due August 1. Authorized Payers/Third Party Users: Access Your Workday Account and then use the Managing Student Financials job aid to make the tuition payment.
  • Determine if you will ship items to campus. P O Box numbers will come out around August 1, and you can plan to ship items on your own if needed. You can also work with our partner, Storage Scholars. They asked us to share this with new families: “Move-in day is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that should be memorable and stress-free. Save yourself time and headaches by shipping items to our partners Storage Scholars, over the summer. They will receive your packages, notify you, and deliver everything to your room before you arrive on campus, so you don’t have to lift a finger.”

For students:

Changing student and family roles

  • For most of us, we went through the K-12 years with our kids’ schools telling us “parental involvement equals student success.” So it would be reasonable for families to think that stays the same in college, but it does not. At the college level, students are expected to take on the responsibility of the day-to-day management of their lives, their academics, their friend group, etc. We as parents and loved ones are asked to shift into a different parenting mode.
  • Family members are still incredibly important – you are the key source of love and support for your student! In order to grow, college students need to make their own decisions. While in high school you might have been in a manager or director role with your students (where you provided directions and answers), in college it is more helpful to adopt a consultant role (where you serve as a sounding board to prompt their thinking, but allow your students to find their own answers).
  • Having role clarity can assist with the transition to college for students and families alike. Here are some suggestions on student vs. family roles.
    • Your student should:
      • Choose their classes and major
      • Make friends
      • Join campus organizations
      • Handle day to-day needs and decision-making
      • Protect their WFU login and password and not share it with anyone else (including their parents/families)
      • Be the one to work with faculty or campus offices when they have questions or need assistance
      • Share feedback or concerns with appropriate faculty or offices
      • Navigate issues or conflicts with friends, roommates, etc.
      • Troubleshoot basic issues (e.g., finding a ride to the airport, filling out paperwork, submitting residence hall work orders, etc.)
      • Research areas of interest (e.g., classes to take, potential majors, where to study abroad)
    • Parents and families should:
      • Provide a loving base of support 
      • Listen more, talk less
      • Give them space to grow
      • Be a sounding board
      • Prompt them with questions, but do not supply answers or directions
      • Help only if it’s truly needed (see our Stop, Drop, and Roll framework)
  • The bottom line: In most cases, your Deac should be the one to do the work, make the call, ask the question, research the classes to take, give the feedback, etc. Our students need space to learn and grow, whereas your problem solving skills are already well-developed. This is their time to find their own way, make their own decisions (and mistakes!), and develop independence.
  • The Advice for New Families page of the New Students website has lots of information that can be helpful in preparing your family for the transitions that college will bring.

Parting thoughts

At this time last year, my husband and I were navigating these same conversations and transitions with our ‘27 student at NC State. I well remember him asserting his independence and asking me to stand back and let him do his summer checklist for school on his own, and how I felt like I wasn’t on top of all the details in the way I might have liked to be. So I know first hand that finding the balance between your soon-to-be college student’s independence and what we want to know/do as parents and loved ones is not easy 🙂

Please continue reviewing the Parents and Families section of the New Students website, and encouraging your student to be attentive to their action items. As always, we will archive this message – and all our summer weekly messages – here.

With best wishes,

Betsy Chapman, Ph.D. (‘92, MA ‘94)
Executive Director of Family Communications

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